Driving in the Right Lane of Life

Several years ago, when I was still working on my Master's degree, I commuted every Wednesday from Ogden to Salt Lake City along Interstate 15. At a certain point just south of Bountiful, Highway 89 merges onto the freeway. As a general rule, I always stayed in the left lane throughout that stretch of freeway. I don't like dealing with merging traffic, and I don't like freeway driving in general. I stay as far away from the merge as possible.

However, during one of these commutes, as I passed the Beck Street exit and approached the merge, I had an urgent prompting to get into the right lane. The feeling was so strong and sudden that without thinking I immediately checked my blind spot, turned on my signal and moved to the right. Just as I passed the divider between my lane and the merging traffic, I saw a white pickup truck pulled off to the side of the road with a well-dressed man standing beside it.

I have made it my habit through the years to try and stop to help stranded motorists, so I pulled onto the shoulder, noticing to my relief that the problem was a flat tire, the only automotive problem I am qualified to address. I was sure that I had been led to help him, so as he approached my car to talk to me I prepared to respond affirmatively to his request for my help. But, as I rolled down my window and we began to speak, he said he had things under control.

Now, I knew that the Holy Ghost had told me to stop. I wanted to say "look, you prayed me here or God led me here to help you, so let's get on with it!" Eventually he consented to allowing me to help him change his flat tire and we approached the truck together.

Several notable things about his situation were soon apparent. First, he was dressed in a white shirt and tie, not the best outfit for car trouble. Second, he had not changed a flat tire before, or at least not in a long time or in that truck. He wasn't familiar with the location of the spare tire or how to remove it from the truck. He looked up the location of the jack and tire iron in his owner's manual, and I lay on the ground under the truck to obtain the spare. Third, he did not have a cell phone with him and had no way to call for help.

As we began to remove the lug nuts together, he revealed that he worked at Church Headquarters in the translation department. In fact, he even knew some of the Italian translators I had met on my mission, which was delightful to me. He was running late getting back to work.

We removed most of the lug nuts without particular difficulty, but the final nut seemed impossible to remove. First I tried, then he tried, then we tried together, but with no luck. The tire iron slipped off the nut when too much pressure was applied.

One of us had a flash of insight, and I retrieved my jack and tire iron from my car. In order to remove that last lug nut I had to raise my jack under his tire iron, and he pushed it toward the wheel while I jumped on the end. Together, we finally got the nut loosed. I lifted the new tire and we tightened it on. He was soon on his way back to Church headquarters, and I to school. I was filled with the comforting glow that only comes from fulfilling an assignment given by God.

  

Several lessons can be learned from this story. First, we need to stop focusing so much on getting where we are going and focus more on what opportunities are around us. If we are too absorbed in what is coming to us on our phones or through our earbuds, what is on television or what needs to be done at home or at work, we may miss the prompting to serve when it comes. We need to be looking out the windows as we drive through life. We need to be willing to slow down and shift into the right lane so we are available to help.

Second, we need to react quickly when the Holy Ghost gives us direction. If I had waited even a couple of seconds to follow my prompting it would have been too late. The truck appeared so suddenly that even if I had seen it I would not have been able to pull over in time without that bit of advance warning. Pay attention when a prompting seems urgent.

Third, we need to have the Holy Ghost with us. We have all heard these words of Winston Churchill:

“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.”

To those who follow Christ, these special moments come much more often than once in a lifetime. If there is anything preventing you from answering that call when it comes, decide to stop it now. Live worthy of the promises you and the Lord made to each other.

Fourth, there is no feeling quite like that of knowing that you have been an instrument in the Lord's hands to bless one of His children in need. We may speak blithely of virtue being its own reward, but there are truly blessings only known by those who heed the call to serve when given by the Holy Ghost to one who is prepared. Remember when we answer a call who it is that is doing the calling, and give credit to Him for the good that you are able to do knowing that the opportunity to act is his blessing to you.

My friends, we need to drive in the right lane of life. There are so many broken down lives at the side of life's road. I don't know much about the life of the man I helped that day, but I like to think his earnest prayers for someone - anyone - to help are what led the Lord to allow me to be that someone for him. All of us have people in our lives - a family member, a friend, a school or work acquaintance, or even a stranger - who are hoping or praying for deliverance from loneliness, from self-hatred, from busy lives and overwhelming circumstances, from physical and emotional trials. There is someone only you can reach, only you can help, only you can lift. Pray to see the opportunity to serve when it comes. You may be called on to do something significant that requires your resources of time or money. Or it may be something small - a text or a note, a sincere hug, or a detour on your way home.

  

I will share one more story. More than a decade ago we were living in an apartment in South Weber and I was working long hours as a nurse in Bountiful. We had a neighbor and friend who lived in a nearby unit with her husband and two small children. While we lived there her husband become seriously ill and after several months passed away unexpectedly in his sleep. This was, of course, a very difficult time for our neighbor and she was soon caught up in arrangements for her husband's funeral.

During this period I was returning home very early in the morning after an unexpectedly long shift at work. It was after 1 am as I neared the South Weber exit and, as I left the highway, I felt a strong prompting to go see this neighbor. I initially resisted this impression because of the hour, but resolved to go to her apartment.

To my surprise, the apartment lights were on. I knocked on the door and discovered my neighbor gathering photographs for the funeral. Her sister was there also, offering help and support. We exchanged pleasantries and she asked my opinion on some photos. At length I told her that I felt prompted to offer her a Priesthood blessing. She welcomed this suggestion and took a seat in her front room.

The Spirit was thick in the room as the Lord blessed her with knowledge of her husband's continued spiritual presence and love for her, and gave her counsel and comfort for the difficult time ahead. I know that blessing was what she needed right then. I don't know if anyone else would have been in a position to give it then, in the middle of the night. I can't express the gratitude I felt to my Heavenly Father for the privilege of sharing that experience and being able to convey His promises in that ordinance.

  

Our Heavenly Father hears the prayers of those in our lives who are suffering. Sometimes He answers those prayers through us. It is my prayer that each of us can hear and heed the Lord's call to bless and to serve the people around us. If the Holy Ghost has given you a suggestion on what this means for you, I invite you to make needed changes today.

[This is a lightly edited version of a talk I am giving in church later this morning.]

Hair sticks

So, I have made a couple hair sticks for coworkers. I always hope to have these hobbies become self-funding but I am doing these for non-monetary compensation using scraps I already had.

This first one is for a coworker who I noticed has a deathly hallows tattoo, so I offered to make her a deathly hallows hair stick, mostly because it sounded difficult and I wanted to see if I could do it. The idea was to leave it looking sort of rough so it looks like it is made from twigs or something. Anyway, that was the effect I was going for although I'm not sure if I really made it. Photos, by the way, by my brother Jeremy who knows what he is doing. The dark wood for both of these is rosewood.

I made the leather sheath mostly because I wanted a way to present it. The sheath's closure is sort of a pain to use but looks ok. You can tell my leatherwork is much worse than my woodwork.

The next one I am making for another coworker who is a Doterra rep. It is meant to evoke the Doterra O with the line above it. I'm really pleased with how this one turned out. I haven't decided yet how to finish it. I like how it looks without any finish on it but I am concerned that hair oils or products will discolor the wood. My coworker is bartering some homemade beard oil for it.

 This is a hobby I have had since high school (although I haven't done a lot lately) that I really enjoy. If anyone knows someone who has a special request for a design I am open to considering it if it sounds like a fun challenge. I don't want to do the same one twice though.

Uncommon Consent

I have been thinking for a while about consent, but it has been on my mind more lately. First I saw a great series of videos made by Planned Parenthood on the subject (not ok for viewing with kids in the room, btw), then of course recent events all over FB. I read the statement by the Stanford rape victim on my lunch break the other day, and a piece on the HP. Anyway, suffice it to say that the subject has been on my mind.

So, tonight before we did our Harry Potter out-loud reading (the great chapter in OotP where Harry has the vision through Voldemort's eyes, sees some of Snape's memories, Trelawney gets sacked and Dumbledore announces the hiring of Firenze - you know, THAT one) I decided to bring up the subject. We hadn't said our bedtime prayer first, so I did so and then told the boys we needed to have a conversation about something very important. I will not be able to repeat it word for word (it lasted about 25 minutes), but I'll share the salient points.

I started by reading from The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

"ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose...

"We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

"WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed..."

I asked the boys if the blessings of exaltation were given to us unequally, if God would give some blessings to boys or girls that the other wouldn't get if they made it to the Celestial kingdom. Since they are young and relatively innocent as to the traditions of the world, they replied with slightly incredulous looks that of course boys and girls could get the same blessings and be exalted equally (my words here, of course, not theirs). We talked about how boys and girls are equal in the sight of God. I made sure they knew what "the sacred powers of procreation" and "the means by which mortal life is created" meant (they said yes, it's sex).

Then I told them I would say two sets of statements. They were to see whether the Holy Ghost would say "yes" to the statements or "no," and if they could tell a difference between how the two felt. The "Holy Ghost says yes/no" exercise is a fun one to do with kids, because they don't have a large set of life experiences through news and media, so they answer somewhat instinctively. So, here is a rough representation of the two sets (and please, more liberal readers if there be any, please don't point out that I am reinforcing gender role stereotypes with these. Cut me some slack):

"Girls are beloved daughters of God and have a divine purpose and destiny. They hold special places in our lives as wives and mothers. They have a great capacity for goodness and should be treated with love and respect."

"Girls exist only as objects for boys to use as they see fit. Girls are the property of boys and should do whatever a boy wants them to do. Girls' feelings don't matter. They exist to make boys feel good"

Of course the feeling in the room was goodness and light with the first ones and gross darkness with the second ones. We acknowledged that the first set felt more right, then I pointed out that a lot of what they will see and read and hear in the world is telling them that the second one is true. They were able to come up rather easily with examples of movies in which the only reason why a girl exists is to act as a prize for the boy, or for someone to fall in love with the boy who is the hero of the story (to their credit, they immediately gave counterexamples of strong female protagonists featured in their own movies). I told them that a whole lot of popular music has as its main point "you want to have sex with me." Culture treats girls as objects that exist for boys.

I asked them to imagine that a girl goes to a party and drinks a lot of alcohol - so much that she can't really talk or make decisions - and a boy takes her outside, puts her on the ground by a garbage can, takes off her clothes and starts touching her privates. Is it ok for the boy to do that?

Of course, given the leading question, they said no.

Then I said, what about if the girl is awake and alert and able to make decisions, and says yes? Is it ok then?

Of course, they said no again, since sex is best for people who are married. :) So, after acknowledging that not everybody in the world follows that same standard, I used a couple different examples:

If you try to do something with a girl and she says "stop, I don't like that" it doesn't mean "I really want you to keep doing that even though I'm saying no." If you put your arm around a girl and she tries to move away like she doesn't like it, it doesn't mean she wants you to try harder. If you want to touch a girl's hair and she says she doesn't like it, it doesn't mean she wants you to keep doing it. If a girl is asleep, or has had alcohol or drugs and can't make good decisions (and yes, boys, that may happen to you), that means no. If a girl is asleep, that means no. If a girl pulls away or looks scared or worried, that means no. If a girl says yes, that means yes.

We have previously had a great family home evening lesson based on the idea "My body, my choice." I don't remember the kid-oriented book it comes from, but the basic idea is that we all have the right to say "no" to anything people are doing with our bodies. So this conversation was a natural extension of that lesson. If I am putting my finger in your ear and you say "stop, I don't like that. My body, my choice" and I keep doing it, that's wrong. If you try to hold my hand and I pull away like I am saying "stop, I don't like that. My body, my choice" and you keep trying to do it, that's wrong. If, on the other hand, I hold your hand back, or move in to snuggle under your arm, that looks more like "I am saying yes to that. That's ok." No and yes aren't always said with words.

If I am tickling your feet and you are laughing and enjoying it and then you aren't enjoying it anymore, and you tell me to stop, and I don't stop because I like tickling you, that's wrong. It's your body. It's your choice. You have the right to say no.

Remember how we fought in the pre-existence for the right to agency? How we chose to come here so that we could make decisions for ourselves? Those around us - and we ourselves - have the right to say yes, and the right to say no. We have to grant others that right just as we would want it for ourselves.

This post is feeling sort of rambly at this point (and rather clunky with the details), but you'll have to take my word for it that the conversation had a nice flow to it, and the boys were engaged and thinking.

So, I concluded, here are the main points:

1. We all - boys and girls - are children of God, and we are all equal in the eyes of God.

2. We all have the right to say no to anything others want to do with our bodies, and we need to respect the right of others to say no to the things we want to do.

3. If we want to do something with someone else that that person says "no," or if the person seems like they are saying "no" with their actions, or if the person isn't able to make decisions or isn't awake and alert, that absolutely means "no." Period.

It went over pretty well.

Another letter to my elected representatives (not that you readers care :) )

Senators Hatch and Lee are both on the Senate Judiciary committee, which is responsible for initial hearings for Supreme Court nominees. I am frustrated by the extreme and absolute stance they have taken against even considering a nominee. This is why our government sucks. Anyway, I wrote the following to them both.

 Dear Senator, I am writing in response to the frustrating stance you have taken as part of the Republican party to obstruct the process of Supreme Court nomination and confirmation. You may feel that you are doing your duty to represent your party's interests, but please understand that there are many constituents in your state - myself included - who see this as pointless grandstanding at the expense of the survival of our nation's political system. It is just the sort of move that reinforces the pessimistic view held by many in our country - and reflected by the legislature's low approval ratings - that you care much more about scoring political points than about doing your best to ensure a stable and functional democracy.

 I quote the Senate Judiciary's Web site: "When a vacancy occurs on the Supreme Court, the President of the United States is given the authority, under Article II of the United States Constitution, to nominate a person to fill the vacancy. The nomination is referred to the United States Senate, where the Senate Judiciary Committee holds a hearing where the nominee provides testimony and responds to questions from members of the panel. Traditionally, the Committee refers the nomination to the full Senate for consideration."

 Please do your job. We're better than this.

Anonymous Giving

So, I was in line at my credit union to make a deposit at the end of December and I overheard the woman in front of me discussing her payment with the teller. It was clear from the conversation that the woman was several hundred dollars behind in her car payment, and that she paid the past due amount with some degree of struggle. The Holy Spirit told me to give the woman $100.

I immediately started to second guess the feeling. What if the woman was behind because she had gotten in over her head with a luxury car she shouldn't have bought? What if she was a poor manager and had brought the situation on herself? What if she didn't have money for her car payment because she spent her money on a drug or alcohol addiction? I felt a little foolish as I got to the teller and asked her about it.

I said to the teller that I knew she couldn't give me any details, but did the woman in front of me in line seem like the type of person who would appreciate a donation in her account? She said she didn't have any details at all. I asked if she could still access the woman's account and she said yes. So I told her to transfer $100 from my account to hers. I realized that a transfer from my name wouldn't mean anything, so the teller let me write a note on the back of a charitable donation card (apparently they have them for accounts set up to help with medical bills etc). I wrote "I don't know if you need this, but here's a late Christmas gift. Pay it forward someday. Regards, Jordan." As I left the credit union my feeling transformed from one of doubt back into one of assurance that I had done something that was needed. It's hard to explain what it's like to feel that you have been led to be the answer to another person's prayer (it's happened to me a lot of times and always feels great) and I'm sure from an outsider's perspective it might look foolish, but it feels great.

So I saw the woman's name on the donation card, which was probably not a great thing because it let me do just a bit of internet stalking that night. I gather that she has four kids and a husband who may be a bit underemployed. I know her apparent merit shouldn't matter given the source of the inspiration to give, but I admit it was more gratifying to imagine her telling her husband and four kids about the donation. I like to imagine (if this isn't too presumptuous) that the recipients of our anonymous giving thank God for the gifts. I like to think He gets the praise.

As a postscript, I just noticed while doing some budgeting that the $100 was transferred to their auto loan. :P Not as cool.

Pens

I like pens. I'm not a pen expert, or a pen connoisseur, but I like a good pen with a comfortable grip that writes well. This is the story of my favorite pen. My memory is a little spotty with exact details, but the pen count should be accurate.

For a while in high school I used a Parker Jotter, which wrote really well but didn't last very long. I ended up taping the plastic and metal sections together, then gave up on it and didn't buy any refills for it.  Then I graduated to a pen/pencil combo that fit well in my pocket. This also did not reveal itself to be very durable.

When I was in early high school, one of my neighbors showed me a pen that he was using, a Quad Point made by Yasutomo & Co. I decided I had to have one, and my long relationship with the Quad Point was born.

The first QP I owned was a matte black model, as seen below:


It is the most elegant and wonderful writing instrument I have ever owned. It writes in black, blue, red, and 0.5 mm pencil. I had that pen for the end of high school, through my entire mission, and into college and marriage. I loved the pen and the pen loved me. I wore through the finish on the grip and turned the matte black shiny with use. I dropped it through a vent grate at BYU and fished it out with a name tag magnet and a length of leather cord (thanks, Alison). I could tell you how it got every ding and dent. The action stopped working and I shipped it to the factory for repair. We made a wonderful couple.

Then, inexplicably, the pen disappeared. It happened around the time we moved (in a hurry) from Wymount Terrace in Provo. I had a backup pen that Alison and I had bought together (how romantic! Matching pens!)

but it wasn't the same: I didn't love the color, It just didn't feel right. Then, around the time of a cadaver lab session, it disappeared. Alison gave me hers, but it wasn't without its problems. A drop had chipped the red at the grip in a way that made it inelegant. The pencil jammed. It was relegated to my church bag as my full-time backup, and I started using cheap ballpoint click pens (or, at times, a Zebra F-301, a good stand-in but not even playing in the same league). I found out that the model I loved had been discontinued, and that QPs were getting harder and harder to find.

Some years ago Alison surprised me at Christmas with another matte black QP which she had found from perhaps the last retailer available. I was so moved that I just stared at it, unable to speak, nearly in tears. I wasn't sure I could even touch it. In time it became, again, my everyday carry pen. (She later bought me another one as a gift, whose fate will be related below.)

Imagine my dismay when, cresting a rise on the white roller coaster at Lagoon several years later, I watched my beloved pen (and small spiral notebook) gracefully fly out of my pocket and fall to the ground into the garden below. I searched in vain with a flashlight. It was never found.

My spare black pen was packed along with a spare change of clothes when we did the Dirty Dash in 2014. When I was changing at my sister's house, it was gone. It was never found.

At this point I was trying to figure out how, after I had had my original for so many years, I was unable to keep one in my possession for very long.

When I had bought my backup black pen, I also bought a QP in the platinum finish as a backup, and to use as my dress pen.

Since my black pen went missing (again!) I have only had a QP to use when I am in dress clothes. I went back to the Web site and, finding that there were about fifteen more platinum models in stock, bought six of them: one as my backup and one for each of my children on their eighteenth birthdays (although Jamison didn't exist at that point, so I may be investing in another one...). I have considered using the platinum as my EDC pen but I am really worried about losing it. I recently got my red one out of my church bag and I think I will be using it as my EDC pen for the time being, although I still don't know how to get the pencil to work without jamming.

Incidentally, Y&C kept making QPs, but they look terrible:


Today I went to the site of the manufacturer, Yasutomo and Co, and found out that there is a new model with a black lacquer finish.

Sorry the image is so poor. It's better if you squint.Anyway, you can see that it has a shinier finish with chromed (not gold) accents. Scandalously, although Y&C's site says it is on sale, when I clicked the link it was nowhere to be found. They only had platinum, silver, and red for sale.

So, here we are. A tragic tale of love found, and lost, and found, and lost, and found, and lost, and substituted with a fine platonic relationship. If anyone knows of a matte black pen to be had for a reasonable price, I would love to hear about it. Heck, even the black lacquer would be ok at this point. Or, I guess I could just use one of the pens I have.

Sigh.

Oh, by the way, my and my family's total expenditures for QPs has been somewhere around $475. That averages to only about $40 for each year of our marriage, which is totally reasonable, am I right? I figure I will be buying at least two more, one for Jamison and one that is totally not an announcement of any kind but will be good to have on hand just in case.

Faith and Testimony

So, my boy was baptized in July of last year, so we switched from baptism prep Gospel Principles study to Preach My Gospel study. I had gotten out of the habit of reading with kids at night and we recently restarted, along with starting family scripture study in the morning. It feels great to be back in the saddle, and I feel a lot closer to them being more involved. I forget how easy it is to talk about the Gospel with kids. As Elder Holland once said in a great talk, you don't have to sneak up behind them and whisper religion in their ears.

So, I am reading Book of Mormon scripture stories with girl and boy #2 (boy #2 has started baptism prep, but wanted to finish Book of Mormon stories previously started), and reading Preach My Gospel with boy #1. I read with each of them for 5-10 minutes and pray with each one individually, and most of the time let them each pick a song.

The reading of Preach My Gospel has been especially great because it is giving me a chance to have deeper Gospel discussions with the baptized one. We recently did a dive into the justice/mercy/atonement topic, and a while ago started talking about faith. We read highlights of Alma chapter 32 and discussed the process of gaining one's own personal witness through the Holy Ghost of the truthfulness of various Gospel principles. I have stressed that it is totally normal and okay for a person to not have a secure belief right away. We talked tonight about how we need to first desire to believe, and prepare our own soil to receive the word. If you never read the scriptures or pray, it is a whole lot harder to gain a witness of the importance of scriptures and prayer and the reality of God's existence. A testimony isn't a gift that is just bestowed upon us, it takes work and persistence and a willingness to not cast out the seed by our unbelief. You have to read the Book of Mormon to gain a witness of it. You have to pray in order to receive answers. And the longer you go without reading or praying, the easier it is to listen to the voices - internal and external - that try to convince you that you are foolish for believing. It must have been hard to be a Nephite waiting for the birth of Christ, knowing that you would be killed if the sign didn't come and wondering if it was really worth holding on.

Anyway, I invited the boy to join me in the morning for my personal reading before we wake everyone up for family reading. I want to shepherd him through the process of receiving that confirmation. I know I can't give it to him, but I can help him develop the habit of reading and the love of the word. I won't pressure in this, just persuade. I want him to have a head start. I love the scriptures and I treasure the answers to specific prayers that I have received in their pages. I can feel my son light up when I tell him about them.

I wish more people were willing to acknowledge that they are still striving, especially in testimony meeting when my children hear everyone - especially other kids their age, who I am sure have the same lack of firmness - say what they know. It made me happy (and, I'm sure, some people uncomfortable) to have my boy get up a couple months ago and say that he doesn't know, but that he knows someday he can. It seems like in our church we have two main groups of people: the ones who seem rock solid in their conviction of Gospel principles, and the ones who wonder what is wrong with them because they aren't. We need to shed some light on the hard work involved in the formation of that solidity. We need to relearn how to do spiritual work.